Hello Mr. Maslow
Exercising my privilege to loll around, thinking...
I'm a little out of practice, more so than usual. I haven't written anything – rather, not completed anything -- since 2018/19 when I wrote The Row House Murder. That story was a lot of work. I used to go to sleep at 8, to wake up at 4 so that I would be ready to write by 5, for at least an hour. Writing and editing, the whole thing took more than four months. For 15,000 words.
I would have chai when it was still dark and there wasn’t a sound to be heard aside from the occasional stray dog outside. After a while, I didn’t even need an alarm, I would be up at 04:00 even if I chose to stay up late on the weekends.
I didn’t have a social life. I didn’t go on dates. There was nothing outside of work that held any interest. Despite that, I remember that period fondly, because I had a purpose.
This is a subject that rears its head every once in a while in my sessions with Amelia, my therapist. I talk about the lack of motivation, the lack of purpose in my life and she brings up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It is one of those concepts I have read about in passing and I am vaguely familiar with – familiar enough not to look up but not enough to discuss coherently. Eager to get through my checklist for the month, I just nod along like I used to do when my parents took the pains to tell me something I already knew.
Looking at it now though, I find a lot to agree with. A lot -- not 100% -- from my own perspective. I've lived a comfortable life, we weren't rich, I grew up pretty middle class, by Indian standards, which meant that I can recall enough instances where my parents said no but I can't think of any instances where my basic needs of food, water, shelter were not met.
As I became more independent, went to college, got a job, found my way in the world, there was rarely a time when I felt unsafe – I am not counting the times I did stupid things. It's only with the higher needs the things get a bit iffy.
Love and belonging, esteem, they come and go, they have not been a permanent state. I suspect hardly anyone, not even the most powerful person in the world, feels love, a sense of belonging and esteem on a regular basis. Reading the Wikipedia article on the subject, I can see that Maslow himself said that after the physiological needs are met, only a certain percentage of a higher need must be met before they move on to try to satisfy the next one.
All the things I now do outside of work -- and it’s a fairly long list -- are possibly my attempts at self-actualization. They keep me busy, all these various activities where I am trying to become better at something, become a better version of myself. “To understand this level of need, a person must not only succeed in the previous needs but master them.” (“Maslow's hierarchy of needs - Wikipedia”) That might go some way in explaining why these activities keep me occupied but they still occasionally leave me feeling a bit hollow.
Amelia and I have a lot to discuss and I am going to listen this time! Esteem is the most likely topic of discussion while I try to sort out – master – love and belonging outside therapy. Who knows, maybe in attempting this, I might just find my purpose along the way.